if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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