I'm gonna have a badass scar
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
