I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
