Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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