It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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