Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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