Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
