the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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