I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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