I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
