doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
