She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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