My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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