remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
please don't ironically join a cult
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