I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
