So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
