Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
