Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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