Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
