he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
