Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
