Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
