she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Randomize
