My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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