youre lurking in front of me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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