i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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