before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
