It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
