His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
