as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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