sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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