So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
