He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
