omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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