smell my finger.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Enjoy the penises
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
