yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
