I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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