Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
