Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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