Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
