btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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