his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
