He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
