We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
