White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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