In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize
