so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
