another moral hangover. fuck.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
