Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
