I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
