I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
