so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
