I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
love makes seman taste better
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
