I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
